During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
