I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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