Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
