FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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