were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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