it was like his penis was on wheels.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
