Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
