I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
