OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
