Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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