I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
