mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
