Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
