Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
