they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
