A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
