I'm so fucking centered right now
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Randomize
