I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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