Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Randomize
