Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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