I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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