I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
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