I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
