Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
