so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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