Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I had to cum in my sink.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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