Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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