false alarm. still invincible.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
