Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I deserve this hangover.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
