i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
