Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
