I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
