This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
