I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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