You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
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