Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
