Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
