"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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