i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
