weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I did not marry a roomba.
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