if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Threesome in a minivan. New low
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
