I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
