i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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