And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
