How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
babies were throwing up all over the place
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
