McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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