I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
