One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
