You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
