I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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