You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
