So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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