Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
