They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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