your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
