and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
