Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
