I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
